2:29 AM | Author: NJoy
Friends come in. Friends go out. Few remain and for those I am eternally grateful.

I feel very poitive and on top of things right now. I just went out of town to work for a few days and boy did I need it. Just to get out of town and feel like I'm working for myself again; what a joy! And naturally my number increased. Yaya!

I feel happy and encouraged and... tired.
I had a birthday!
9:39 PM | Author: NJoy
I am now 25 years old. :)

My mom came out to visit me. She flew in to LAX on Thursday 2-19-09 nd we headed out to Disneyland where I got to go in for free. We had a great day at the park. We saw Mary Poppins (whom I have never ran into before) and some pirates sang me ...well... part of a birthday song.

"So it's your birthday?"Says he. "We hear it's customary to give presents on your birthday." He flips out his hat, "so what did you bring us?"

"Um...." stammers I, thinking I could blow a kiss into that hat or something, but I didn't really have the guts to do it. Apparently, I forgot to bring a gift.

It was a ton of fun.

My mom beat me at the Buzz Lightyear game. How did she beat my score???

Photos coming soon. :)
trying to post regularly....
10:29 PM | Author: NJoy
It is a little more difficult than I tought. I mean I really usually only want to post when I have something of note to post... And I haven't been feeling noteworthy. But I search to fill the promise I made to Liz, to post often about everything.

Something has changed within me...something is not the same... When I was hit by that barage of arguments to change my mind on thursday morning I knew it was done, over, finnished. Have you ever felt a friendship die? I did. And I have been wondering ever since that moment if it had to die, if it really was dead, and finally if he knew it died. ...but I haven't heard anything at all from him. I surmise it is dead and he knows.

And today I miss my friend. I miss the good days. I miss the good times. It has been 6 days, am I overreacting? overanalysing? Oh I try not to care.

So what else. My voice started getting hoarse on Saturday. It was completely gone on Sunday but I still had to go to work until someone could come in ('til 230). It started coming back yesterday and today it feels worse. I finally have a day off tomorrow. I should go try to find something to take for it. I'm quite done with having a soar throat and a raspy voice. I want to be able to work at a full capasity, so I need to recover...but what if no one can take my shift? then I have to work and talk for 30 min streight every hour. This not fealing well is annoying. And I think it has alot to do with how cold the condo is.

I have joined Top Chef Night with Rachel and Julia and Josh and Clint and everyone else. It's nice to have reconnected with them. All of the new people I have met there are really amazing and I'm a little interested in "excited" Josh (not stamen). There is a slight height issue that makes me hesitant, but I am drawn to his intensity, not gonna lie. Speaking of honesty, Julia's new boyfriend reminds me of an ex of mine and I have a difficult time warming to him. But we have only just met so I reserve conclusions for later.

My birthday is next week. My mom is flying into town on thursday morning, I'm picking her up and we're heading streight over to Disney Land. She's staying until sunday. Dad comes in on Saturday. The original plan was for her to stay with me (I have two beds in my room) for a couple of nights until my Dad comes in so they can save on Hotel costs. Unfortunately, some agents (a couple) from out of state are moving into LA and need to crash at the condo for a few days until they find an appartment. My manager wants me to sleep up in the loft while they are here. But, "You don't have to move your things out of the closet, they said they can live out of their suitcases..." We'll see what happens. I don't think I'm going to move anything out of the room until they get here and that will be on friday? Blah. I'm not worried. I beleive that God has my back and he will sort everything out to the best of all involved. Besides I think it would be more uncomfortable for them to sleep in the room with me coming in whenever I need to for clothes...that's really less privacy than the loft.

That's everything that is going on in my life right now. Oh and also I try to text Liz everyday...My text is getting full.
12:56 AM | Author: NJoy
I hear myself talking about stupid things. I go on and on about my job and where I live and the weather or the ocean... all these these things that have only to do with me.

What I really want to talk about is something more important: something less selfish.

And what comes to mind is how great it feels after you have a really big poo. You know that feeling like you are suddenly ten pounds lighter? No that's not it. That's not the importance I'm looking for. But maybe I can work from that to somethingelse.

I feel almost as if I don't deserve to miss Matt as much as I do. I feel that I took him for granted. Maybe I had him on a pedestal and didn't think I deserved to hang out with him. Isn't that silly? And I tried to prove it to... I don't know who... or why because Matt really wasn't the kind of person to make you prove yourself.

It's amazing how everyone seems to have the same favorite Matt highlights. Hugs. Heart. Technnology. Knowledge. He was as eager to share his knowledge as he was to learn it.

My favorite thing, the memory that comes back to me over and over is when I told him that I thought school just wasn't for me. I was frustrated. But he didn't give me any of the hmm...ok maybe you're right...don't finnish... No I think that was the only time I saw him get upset. He wouldn't let me quit. He wouldn't even validate that mindset. If he didn't react like that I would have convinced myself that I could never go back to school. But I can't dissappoint Matt. So I don't know when or how but I will go back to school and get my Degree. I will find classes and any other way I can to continue learning more and more and so honor Matt that way.