I hear myself talking about stupid things. I go on and on about my job and where I live and the weather or the ocean... all these these things that have only to do with me.
What I really want to talk about is something more important: something less selfish.
And what comes to mind is how great it feels after you have a really big poo. You know that feeling like you are suddenly ten pounds lighter? No that's not it. That's not the importance I'm looking for. But maybe I can work from that to somethingelse.
I feel almost as if I don't deserve to miss Matt as much as I do. I feel that I took him for granted. Maybe I had him on a pedestal and didn't think I deserved to hang out with him. Isn't that silly? And I tried to prove it to... I don't know who... or why because Matt really wasn't the kind of person to make you prove yourself.
It's amazing how everyone seems to have the same favorite Matt highlights. Hugs. Heart. Technnology. Knowledge. He was as eager to share his knowledge as he was to learn it.
My favorite thing, the memory that comes back to me over and over is when I told him that I thought school just wasn't for me. I was frustrated. But he didn't give me any of the hmm...ok maybe you're right...don't finnish... No I think that was the only time I saw him get upset. He wouldn't let me quit. He wouldn't even validate that mindset. If he didn't react like that I would have convinced myself that I could never go back to school. But I can't dissappoint Matt. So I don't know when or how but I will go back to school and get my Degree. I will find classes and any other way I can to continue learning more and more and so honor Matt that way.
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1 comments:
....he is the reason I'm still in school. He never let me be a quitter either, he takes after my mom :)